Getting back inside your own head!

Do you find yourself obsessing about your ex or the relationship? Keep rehashing conversations or even arguments in your head and wondering why on earth they couldn’t see or understand things your way? Or perhaps you are constantly wondering what you did wrong or could have done differently to change the way they feel. Maybe you spend most of your time making choices and decisions based on what you think their response will be. “If he/ she see me doing this they will realise what they are missing”

It’s quite normal to spend time trying to make sense of things but when it turns into constantly obsessing about your ex then it’s not helping you. It’s only serving to keep you stuck in the past and stopping you from moving on.

It’s time to get back into your own head and focus on yourself. There may have been things that in hindsight you could have done differently, but you didn’t and there may be things that you could improve about yourself but that doesn’t mean that you are not a loveable and worthwhile person. Whatever the reason that your relationship went wrong it has happened and yes there are things that you can learn from it so that you have better relationships in the future, but first you need to refocus on yourself so that you can create the space to do and have what you want in your life.

This kind of habit can be hard to kick and you will need to be tough with yourself, especially in the beginning. But remember if you are obsessing about your ex, then you are not paying any attention to yourself and your own needs.

Here are three key steps to bringing the focus back to you.

1. Living in the now

A great way of bringing the focus back to you is to remember that the only time that really exists is NOW. The past and the future are only there in your imagination. The past has happened and what you have is a memory of your interpretation of events and the future is your imagination deciding what it thinks will happen.

When you find yourself obsessing about the past or what you think will happen in the future, bring yourself back to what is happening NOW for YOU. What are you doing right now that you can become more consciously aware of? Are you at work or out shopping, perhaps you are sitting at home in front of the TV.

Whatever it is that you are doing; practise giving it your FULL ATTENTION. You will find that with after a while you will be able to stay focused on yourself and what is going on for you much easier.

2. Do things that energise you

Think about you and who or what you enjoy. There are a host of ways that you can energise yourself. Think about the following and make a commitment to yourself to increase your activity in the areas that appeal to you the most.

• Which people energise you?
• What activities do you enjoy?
• What treats do you like?
• What would you love to learn?
• What hobbies or interests did you used to have?

Spending time doing things that energise you will help to build up your levels of happiness and self esteem and will allow you to separate yourself from getting stuck in the past. There is usually always something that you would have stopped doing or made changes to as a result of being in your last relationship. Find out what they are and start doing them again if they make you feel good about yourself.


3. Express gratitude

We all have things in our life that we are grateful for but often we forget to pay them any attention. We tend to think about and remember the bad things that happen and forget all the good things that happen every day. When you only think about the bad things it can seriously affect the way you see yourself and your behaviour. Your behaviour affects your outcome and this can keep you in a negative cycle of thought.

Start a gratitude journal and put in it all the good things that happen to you every day. The smallest things can be a boost when you take notice of them. Don’t write down anything negative, only positive thoughts about what you are grateful for. For example “I am grateful that I arrived at work safely this morning” or “I am grateful that I like the people I work with” perhaps you are grateful that you have a really good friend that you can talk to, or that you are enjoying the book you are reading.

There are lots of little things everyday that you have to be grateful for. Focus on what you do have in your life and not what you don’t. Think about the people that you know and what they bring to your life. If you find that you keep thinking about the bad things that happen then think about the good things that have come from it. What did the experience teach you?


Remember that hard times and challenges make you stronger and by bringing your focus back to yourself you will be able to take what you need from the experience and use it to create a better life and relationship for yourself in the future.

"What you MUST understand about your Past to achieve what you WANT the next time round"

FREE TELESEMINAR
with Susan Savery and Special Guest Expert Francine Kaye - The Divorce Doctor

Tuesday 25th August 2009 8.00pm (3.00pm US Eastern)

(Please note these calls will be recorded and available for those who register)

I am so excited that Francine has been able to find time in her busy schedule to join me in bringing you the best ideas, tips and hands-on advice on how to cut through the pain and indecision that nearly all of us go through at the end of a relationship, so that you too can come out the other side knowing exactly what you want for your future!

Francine Kaye, 'The Divorce Doctor', is a trained councellor,relationships coach, family mediator and parent effectiveness trainer. Francine regularly appears on Channel 5's The Wright Stuff and is called in as an expert to numerous radio and TV shows. She writes for Woman and Home, Prima, Psycologies, Grazia, Zest and Womans Health and is Author of the book 'The Divorce Doctor' You can find out more about francine here: The Divorce Doctor

During this call Francine will show you how to implement the 3 essential keys to getting over your past and creating your ideal life and relationships.

You will learn how to:

* Understand what happened, why it happened and how it happened.
* Know what to look for in the future - your rules for your ideal relationship
- they might not be what you think they are!
* Have the courage to say what you want and get it!

If you are ready to break through the barriers that have been holding you back which keep you in the pain of your past relationship then dont miss out on this great one time only call! Register your FREE place here

The SECRET to rebuilding your confidence and putting yourself FIRST for a change

FREE TELESEMINAR PROGRAM
If you are ready to break through the barriers that have been holding you back and keeping you in the pain of your past relationships and stopping you from living your life the way you really want to, then don't miss out on this FREE 4-part Teleseminar Series.

CALL #1 starting Tuesday 28th JULY at 8.00p, GMT (3.00pm US Eastern)

The SECRET to rebuilding your CONFIDENCE and putting yourself FIRST for a change. with Susan Savery & Special Guest Expert Jane Wilmer

Sign up here:
http:www.susansavery.co.uk/4part_teleseminar_series.html

This call will be recorded and a link send to everyone who registers.

Eliminate the Pain of a Broken Heart and Transform your Life!

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT

Wow, what can I say? I am so excited!

After talking to and working with so many women who like me have come out of a long term relationship and had to start over again, and looking at the common problems and issues that effect them, I have been working hard to find ways to help and support you to overcome those problems as quickly and as painlessly as possible.

I’ve been burning the midnight oil and it’s been a long time in the making. I thought the day would never arrive. I can’t begin to tell you how excited I am to get this out to you all.

I’ll be sharing top tips that will help you to get through the initial breakup, let go of the past and have a life and relationships that you really want, without settling for second best!

So if you want to gain access to a host of really great information to help you get over a breakup and create a future that you not only WANT, but DESERVE then you will want to hot foot it over to Picking up the Pieces and grab my BRAND NEW GIVEAWAYS!

So don’t delay, join all the other amazing women who have been waiting to get their hands on this life changing information. It will be a delight to have you join us.

Don’t miss it! Sign up here. Picking up the Pieces

See you in a few days

Warmest wishes to you all,

Susan Savery
Fresh Start Relationship Coach

For more information on How to get over the pain of a past relationship so you can take your life to a new level visit www.susansavery.co.uk

The 8 stages of relationship break - up

It's always difficult when you are coming out of a relationship, especially if it is one that you have been in for a long time. Whether you are the person instigating the split or not, even when you know that splitting up is the best thing for all involved; breaking up can still be a painful and emotional time. According to research there are various stages to the grieving process and these can also be applied to relationship breakup, afterall you are not only losing your connection to the other person, but you are also letting go of all your hopes and dreams of your life with that person and this is one of the main reasons that breaking up can be so very hard to do.

Photo By carbonNYC

I am going to talk more about each stage in future posts but for now here are the 8 stages of the grieving / break-up process:

• Shock
• Denial
• Numbness
• Fear / worthlessness
• Anger
• Letting Go
• Rebuilding of Self
• Understanding and acceptance

Although there is a natural progression through each stage, it is also quite natural to 'jump' back and forth between them. It is essential at each point to explore your feelings and allow yourself to go through the natural grieving process in order to come out the other side bigger and better!