Want a great exercise for working out whether to stay or go?

Are you struggling to work out what you want?
Wondering if the grass will be greener on the other side?
or do you need to check whether your decision to stay or go is the right one for you?

During the FREE call last week, with Francine Kaye - The Divorce DR, Francine took us through a great exercise to work out whether to stay or go, that you can follow along with. Not only that but she also helps you to work out why your relationship might have gone wrong in the first place and what to do once you have made the decision so that you can build a solid platform to move forward.

To listen to the call and take part in the exercise, sign up for the FREE recording here :

http://www.susansavery.co.uk/francinekaye_teleseminar.html

This call is so chock full of wonderful and practical information, that I know that you will find something here to help you.

One listener immediately emailed me within minutes of the call and described it as AWESOME !

I have set up these free calls to help other people like me who have come out of a long term relationship and had to start again, so please let me know how useful they are to you by posting your comments below. I really do want to hear from you.

Susan x : )

How to recognise when your relationship may be in trouble.

There are four stages that a relationship goes through when it starts to go wrong and by recognising what they are you are more able to make changes to what’s going on and be able to do something about it before it’s too late.

1. Disillusionment / discontentment

The honeymoon period is over and things start to settle down into a more regular routine, the cracks begin to show, initially they may be small things that you may not have noticed about your partner before or they could be things that you noticed but thought they didn’t really matter and now they are starting to wear you down, whichever way it starts; try and address issues now when they first begin to bother you rather than to allow them to fester and turn into something bigger that is harder to overcome. By being able to discuss issues that are bothering you, and looking for ways to improve the situation you will find that you are more likely to be able to work things through and deal with bigger differences.

2. Deterioration

This is when those cracks turn in chasms and previous discontentment’s can turn into resentment and things really start to deteriorate. Arguments and disagreements can start over nothing because underneath all the little things everything has become a mixture of unhappiness. Relationships need nurturing and working on constantly to enable people to be able to live together and stay together for any length of time. There will always be differences of opinion as you are still two individuals as well as part of a couple. If you don’t work at being part of a couple that decline in the way that you think about the other person can only get worse over time.

3. Detachment / indifference

It is inevitable that after a while you will start to become more and more detached from the other person and start to look outside of the relationship to have your needs met. This does not mean that everyone will have an affair but simply that you are likely to put your attention and emotions elsewhere, whether that is with work, friends, family or other outside activities, and indifference to the other person will settle in and you may even find that you just feel more comfortable when you are not in their company. You stop doing things together and develop other interests. Things that may have been really important to you or that you may have really enjoyed about that other person you are now indifferent to.

4. Separation.

The final stage is when for whatever reason either one of you or both of you decide that you don’t want to be in the relationship anymore and you breakup. This could be by having a trial separation or a complete break. Which ever way it is there will then follow a period of mourning / getting over the relationship. Separation can feel like hard work and feel painful, but if the relationship really wasn’t working, once you come to terms with the fact that the relationship is over, building a new and exciting life is the next step.


If you have gone through a breakup or if you are deciding at the moment whether you want to stay in a relationship, you can probably recognise the various stages above and fit your own experiences to each stage.

Whether you want to look at ways to improve your existing relationship, decide whether you want to separate or are currently getting over a breakup and feel like you need help to create some clarity and understanding, why not contact me for a free consultation, where you can discover what it is you really want

Feeling shocked at breaking up?

Following on from my previous post about the stages of breakup, when you first come out of a relationship, whether you are the one doing the dumping or the one who has been dumped, there is always a kind of shock. For some people it is huge and for others it's a brief moment of having to shake themselves off and catch their breath.

It may sound strange that if you are the person who has done the 'dumping' that you may feel shocked, at what has happened, but if you have been unhappy for any length of time and have tried to address issues within your relationship and have decided that there is no alternative other than to end things then you will probably still feel an element of shock at the fact that you have finally done something and now what?

You may want to make sudden changes to everything and feel as though you have to get organised and busy yourself to protect yourself from feeling the effects of your decision or you may find yourself overcome with emotion and can't stop crying. Perhaps you even feel numb and find yourself loosing concentration with the simplist of things.

• Try and resist making hasty decisions about big matters at the moment and wait for the dust to settle.
  
• Keeping to a routine will help you maintain some focus at a time when you are probably finding it difficult to concentrate.
• Keep plans to a minimum and stick to going places and being with people that make you feel safe. It's easy to fill your time up and then wonder what on earth you are doing somewhere.

For more information about how to get over a breakup as quickly and as painlessly as possible check out Picking up the Pieces