Keep comparing everyone to your ex?

I was speaking to a client the other day about a new guy that she was dating. She was talking about how she quite liked him and was enjoying his company on dates but she kept comparing him to her ex and looking for the same spark that she felt when she first met her ex. Now she totally recognises that her ex was all wrong for her and that the relationship was a disaster from the begining, but everytime she met someone new she couldn't seem to stop herself from comparing them and finding something missing.

Now I know from talking to other people that this is a common occurance when starting to date again after a serious relationship, and that lots of people have trouble letting go of the past and looking forward to the future.

When people connect in a way that makes them feel that they have found the one and this is it, it can be difficult to let go of the things that attracted you to that person in the first place. Yes in all relationships there are good times and Yes there will be things about that person that you will miss. But what are you really missing? Is it the person or the patterns that the relationship allowed you to play out?

Ultimately when you first make that type of connection with someone it would have very probably been a need or pattern within yourself that would have made the subconscious connection to the other person being able to meet that need.

As the client in question stated this new guy seemed too 'nice' and she felt that there was a lack of excitement in that fact. She wasn't used to a 'nice' guy and didn't know how to react and behave with a 'nice' guy. To her the excitement and connection that she felt when she first met her ex was that here was someone she would have to work hard at getting and keeping and that he was slightly bad in someway. And guess what? that's exactly what he turned out to be.

What causes women to continually fall for the bad guy? is also a question that nice guys often ask. Well its not necessarily the guy - it's the patterns of behaviour that are triggered and when those patterns have replayed themselves a few times, that's what the subconscious is attracted to.

What can you do about these patterns - start to recognise where they are occuring and slowly train yourself with new patterns. In the case of my client, she decided to relax and get used to know what it's like to date a nice guy, so that even if he wasn't the one, she would know how to compare what it felt like to be treated well and be able to recognise that more in the future.

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Picking up the pieces