The SECRET to rebuilding your confidence and putting yourself FIRST for a change

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If you are ready to break through the barriers that have been holding you back and keeping you in the pain of your past relationships and stopping you from living your life the way you really want to, then don't miss out on this FREE 4-part Teleseminar Series.

CALL #1 starting Tuesday 28th JULY at 8.00p, GMT (3.00pm US Eastern)

The SECRET to rebuilding your CONFIDENCE and putting yourself FIRST for a change. with Susan Savery & Special Guest Expert Jane Wilmer

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The Art of Loving YOU

If you don’t look after yourself then you won’t have the energy to look after others. It’s a simple as that. Think of the instructions that you get when you are on a flight waiting to take off and the stewardess tells you about the oxygen masks. The first thing that you are told is to put your own mask on before attempting to help anyone else, including children. This is because if you attempt to help someone else first and then you pass out from lack of oxygen then you are no use to them at all! Well that’s a great lesson to carry through to other areas of your life.

Here are a few ways that you can start to pay more attention to looking after yourself.

Nourish and care for your body – it’s got you to today and you need it to take you a lot further. Eat nutritiously, exercise regularly and make sure that you take time out to relax and replenish yourself.

Look after your emotions – Improve your sense of well being by taking time to relax and enjoy yourself, spend time doing things that you enjoy or being with people whose company you enjoy. Allow yourself to express and understand your feelings by journaling instead of keeping things bottled up.

Feed your brain – Give your brain sustenance by keeping it active, reading, taking up a hobby or dong a course will all help to keep your brain replenished. Apply your brain to creative activities or make a point of thinking creatively about problems to stretch your brain regularly.

Look after your sense of inner self – by meditating, taking walks in beautiful surroundings, regularly spend a few hours on your own; these can all help you to gain an inner sense of calm.

Give yourself a break – we are our own biggest critic. Next time you find yourself berating yourself for something you think you have done wrong, let yourself off – learn from what has happened and forgive yourself. That also includes forgiving yourself for things that have happened in the past. They are gone now – take some time to be grateful for what you learned form it and then let it go.

And as a final note – when you go to sleep at night; take some time to run through your day and think of all the good things that have happened and praise yourself for your achievements – and if you think that you haven’t had any – think again as even the tiniest thing that you did as you wanted is a success, even if it is only making a nice cup of tea!

Don’t forget to sign up for the FREE 4-Part teleseminar series for lots more great tips and ideas from expert speakers to help you create your ideal life.

How to recognise when your relationship may be in trouble.

There are four stages that a relationship goes through when it starts to go wrong and by recognising what they are you are more able to make changes to what’s going on and be able to do something about it before it’s too late.

1. Disillusionment / discontentment

The honeymoon period is over and things start to settle down into a more regular routine, the cracks begin to show, initially they may be small things that you may not have noticed about your partner before or they could be things that you noticed but thought they didn’t really matter and now they are starting to wear you down, whichever way it starts; try and address issues now when they first begin to bother you rather than to allow them to fester and turn into something bigger that is harder to overcome. By being able to discuss issues that are bothering you, and looking for ways to improve the situation you will find that you are more likely to be able to work things through and deal with bigger differences.

2. Deterioration

This is when those cracks turn in chasms and previous discontentment’s can turn into resentment and things really start to deteriorate. Arguments and disagreements can start over nothing because underneath all the little things everything has become a mixture of unhappiness. Relationships need nurturing and working on constantly to enable people to be able to live together and stay together for any length of time. There will always be differences of opinion as you are still two individuals as well as part of a couple. If you don’t work at being part of a couple that decline in the way that you think about the other person can only get worse over time.

3. Detachment / indifference

It is inevitable that after a while you will start to become more and more detached from the other person and start to look outside of the relationship to have your needs met. This does not mean that everyone will have an affair but simply that you are likely to put your attention and emotions elsewhere, whether that is with work, friends, family or other outside activities, and indifference to the other person will settle in and you may even find that you just feel more comfortable when you are not in their company. You stop doing things together and develop other interests. Things that may have been really important to you or that you may have really enjoyed about that other person you are now indifferent to.

4. Separation.

The final stage is when for whatever reason either one of you or both of you decide that you don’t want to be in the relationship anymore and you breakup. This could be by having a trial separation or a complete break. Which ever way it is there will then follow a period of mourning / getting over the relationship. Separation can feel like hard work and feel painful, but if the relationship really wasn’t working, once you come to terms with the fact that the relationship is over, building a new and exciting life is the next step.


If you have gone through a breakup or if you are deciding at the moment whether you want to stay in a relationship, you can probably recognise the various stages above and fit your own experiences to each stage.

Whether you want to look at ways to improve your existing relationship, decide whether you want to separate or are currently getting over a breakup and feel like you need help to create some clarity and understanding, why not contact me for a free consultation, where you can discover what it is you really want

Keep comparing everyone to your ex?

I was speaking to a client the other day about a new guy that she was dating. She was talking about how she quite liked him and was enjoying his company on dates but she kept comparing him to her ex and looking for the same spark that she felt when she first met her ex. Now she totally recognises that her ex was all wrong for her and that the relationship was a disaster from the begining, but everytime she met someone new she couldn't seem to stop herself from comparing them and finding something missing.

Now I know from talking to other people that this is a common occurance when starting to date again after a serious relationship, and that lots of people have trouble letting go of the past and looking forward to the future.

When people connect in a way that makes them feel that they have found the one and this is it, it can be difficult to let go of the things that attracted you to that person in the first place. Yes in all relationships there are good times and Yes there will be things about that person that you will miss. But what are you really missing? Is it the person or the patterns that the relationship allowed you to play out?

Ultimately when you first make that type of connection with someone it would have very probably been a need or pattern within yourself that would have made the subconscious connection to the other person being able to meet that need.

As the client in question stated this new guy seemed too 'nice' and she felt that there was a lack of excitement in that fact. She wasn't used to a 'nice' guy and didn't know how to react and behave with a 'nice' guy. To her the excitement and connection that she felt when she first met her ex was that here was someone she would have to work hard at getting and keeping and that he was slightly bad in someway. And guess what? that's exactly what he turned out to be.

What causes women to continually fall for the bad guy? is also a question that nice guys often ask. Well its not necessarily the guy - it's the patterns of behaviour that are triggered and when those patterns have replayed themselves a few times, that's what the subconscious is attracted to.

What can you do about these patterns - start to recognise where they are occuring and slowly train yourself with new patterns. In the case of my client, she decided to relax and get used to know what it's like to date a nice guy, so that even if he wasn't the one, she would know how to compare what it felt like to be treated well and be able to recognise that more in the future.

Get my Free e-course guide to getting over a past relationship and creating a great new life at
Picking up the pieces

Eliminate the Pain of a Broken Heart and Transform your Life!

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT

Wow, what can I say? I am so excited!

After talking to and working with so many women who like me have come out of a long term relationship and had to start over again, and looking at the common problems and issues that effect them, I have been working hard to find ways to help and support you to overcome those problems as quickly and as painlessly as possible.

I’ve been burning the midnight oil and it’s been a long time in the making. I thought the day would never arrive. I can’t begin to tell you how excited I am to get this out to you all.

I’ll be sharing top tips that will help you to get through the initial breakup, let go of the past and have a life and relationships that you really want, without settling for second best!

So if you want to gain access to a host of really great information to help you get over a breakup and create a future that you not only WANT, but DESERVE then you will want to hot foot it over to Picking up the Pieces and grab my BRAND NEW GIVEAWAYS!

So don’t delay, join all the other amazing women who have been waiting to get their hands on this life changing information. It will be a delight to have you join us.

Don’t miss it! Sign up here. Picking up the Pieces

See you in a few days

Warmest wishes to you all,

Susan Savery
Fresh Start Relationship Coach

For more information on How to get over the pain of a past relationship so you can take your life to a new level visit www.susansavery.co.uk

What happens when you don't see eye to eye?

We all have different perspectives and sometimes we can get stuck thinking that if other people don’t see things the same way that we do then we have big problems.

How many times have you told someone something that you are really excited about and their response puts an instant downer on things and you lose the excitement that you had only a moment ago? I know it’s happened to me many a time.

When this happens you have a choice – and boy do I love choices. You can choose to allow yourself to get upset and feel negative about what the other person has said and possibly lose interest and enthusiasm for what ever it was that you were excited about or you can look at things from their perspective even if only for a moment to find ways of improving or adding to your idea in the first place.

When you look at things from a different perspective you can actually open up a whole host of new areas and ideas for yourself.

Sometimes something that you can argue about for ages is just a matter of perspective. Think about the last time you had or witnessed an argument, you could probably see two clearly different points of view and possibly a third if you were a witness to the argument, but really it’s simply a matter of different perspectives.

Think about something that you may be having a disagreement about at the moment and suspend your belief for a short time to look at the other person’s perspective. What new ideas or questions come to you that could maybe improve things or bring about a compromise.

By looking at things from a different perspective you release yourself from being trapped in beliefs that ‘this is the way it is and has to be’

Try it, remember you are not losing anything, you don’t have to give anything up - you are simply gaining a new perspective and understanding of yourself and others.

Feeling shocked at breaking up?

Following on from my previous post about the stages of breakup, when you first come out of a relationship, whether you are the one doing the dumping or the one who has been dumped, there is always a kind of shock. For some people it is huge and for others it's a brief moment of having to shake themselves off and catch their breath.

It may sound strange that if you are the person who has done the 'dumping' that you may feel shocked, at what has happened, but if you have been unhappy for any length of time and have tried to address issues within your relationship and have decided that there is no alternative other than to end things then you will probably still feel an element of shock at the fact that you have finally done something and now what?

You may want to make sudden changes to everything and feel as though you have to get organised and busy yourself to protect yourself from feeling the effects of your decision or you may find yourself overcome with emotion and can't stop crying. Perhaps you even feel numb and find yourself loosing concentration with the simplist of things.

• Try and resist making hasty decisions about big matters at the moment and wait for the dust to settle.
  
• Keeping to a routine will help you maintain some focus at a time when you are probably finding it difficult to concentrate.
• Keep plans to a minimum and stick to going places and being with people that make you feel safe. It's easy to fill your time up and then wonder what on earth you are doing somewhere.

For more information about how to get over a breakup as quickly and as painlessly as possible check out Picking up the Pieces